


Ar Suledin Nadas ("Now I must endure")

by Dr_Harbinger



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Child Death, Dalish Elven Culture and Customs, Gen, Mage-Templar War, Original Character Death(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 03:13:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9529283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_Harbinger/pseuds/Dr_Harbinger
Summary: Josephine asked what it was like to live amongst the Dalish. Theron Lavellan, unable to sleep one night tells her of the family he lost to the Mage-Templar War and why he believes the elven goddess of justice chose him.





	

“You wanted to know more about the Dalish, Ambassador?” Theron asked her late one night after he assumed most of her duties were done and the rest of the Inquisition it seemed was settling down for the night. He would have thought she had gone to her room by now but when he checked her office first to be sure her candles were still flickering in the windows and he had heard the scratch of her pen against her parchments. Whatever it was that had her attention could surely wait until the morning by now. The sun had set hours ago. Even she needed her rest.

He almost felt bad when the sound of his voice at her doorway startled her but somehow she kept her handwriting steady despite it. “Oh! Master Lavellan! I did not hear you knock.”

“I didn’t knock. Your door was open. Even Minaeve has left for the night.”

“How late is it?”

“The middle of the night.”

“Oh then… what has you up so late?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“I simply lost track of time.”

Theron wanted to call her on it, claim her words a lie, but couldn’t really think of a reason for it not to be. Forming ties like she did with nobility did take time and precision and with a fledging organization with such a… difficult figurehead to rally people behind he imagined tonight was not the first night she had stayed up so late. It probably wouldn’t be the last either.

“I can only imagine.”

“What about yourself? What has you up so late?”

And that was the crux of the matter wasn’t it? Why was he here so late when he should have been sleeping in the cozy home-away-from-home he had built for himself just outside the walls of their small encampment? “I… you asked me earlier today what it was like living amongst the Dalish.”

“And that kept you awake…?”

“It reminded me of my family,” he said simply and carefully pulled a necklace he wore usually hidden beneath his armor or clothes out for her to see. The necklace itself was a chain made of silverite and on it was a pair of matching rings with old elvish writing on them, a raven and a halla pendant. “The family I lost to this war and why I was at the Conclave to begin with.”

This made Josephine sit up from behind her desk and Theron decided that as much as he felt the need to divulge this to her, he didn’t need the Chantry Sisters still hovering around to. They already disliked him for having a small shrine set up near his sleeping arrangements to the gods of his people. How they found it he wasn’t sure but they made sure to voice their opinions on ‘how can you still believe in those lies when Andraste Herself saved you?’

He took a seat on the bench at the far side of Josephine’s office and fiddled with the necklace while he thought. He could hear his ambassador coming closer and so let her find her seat before he got started. This… wasn’t going to be easy to say but if it helped her understand him and his people…

“My clan, Clan Lavellan, is pretty rare among my people. While most of our Keepers adhere to the teachings of Mythal or Ghilan’nain, our Keeper adheres to the teachings of Dirthamen, our god of knowledge and secrets. Everything she knew in regards to the old ways she taught to all of us, not just her apprentices. We all learned how to read Elvish as best our People can and how to write it. We all learned the Old Songs and history from what books and scrolls our clan has been able to collect. She claimed that we all deserved to know the truth of our people so that we may all work together to uncover and preserve as much of the Old Ways as we could.”

“My bondmate… Ellana-” Theron sighed as he fought to swallow back the wave of sadness that overcame him at even the memory of her, “Ellana was a brilliant woman. Had she been human you might have called her a scholar. She was so fascinated with history and the Old Tongue… and she had the most beautiful singing voice I had ever heard.” He leaned back in his seat, one hand holding onto the rings around his neck as he remembered her songs. “I fell in love with her voice first. Then, when I learned more of her… I knew she was the one. That she was the one the gods meant for me.”

“She was meant to be a storyteller, a teacher to the children and I was already a Hunter, better with a blade than most of my brothers who preferred the precision of the bow.” The hand on the rings moved instead to trace the dark vallaslin, barely visible against his dark skin. “When I decided my path, I chose to follow the path of Dirthamen. It is his mark I wear on my face now. I chose his path to be her shadow, her guardian from all that would harm her for if she was going to be the guardian of knowledge then I was going to be the keeper of the knowledge. Does that make sense?”

“I- In a way I think.”

“We Dalish don’t have courting rituals as you think of them. It is considered rude or forward to give gifts to one you are not wed to. But Ellana and I spent more and more time together until we both felt we were ready. I asked her father’s permission to marry her. He, being the craftsman of our clan, made our wedding rings and gave them to me as his blessing. The next day we asked the Keeper to bond us and a week later the ceremony was held.”

This time Theron didn’t stop the tears that were building. He let them fall as he remembered how happy he was that day, the way the music filled the night air as he danced with the love of his life under the stars and knew that very night that they would always be together. But he did not stop his story, even as his tears stained his cheeks. She needed to hear, needed to know that despite the rumors and lies and slander around his people that they were not so different from humans.

“We were happy Josephine. We thought we couldn’t be happier. Then Ellana found out she was with child. Our first born son. He was such a handsome baby when he was born, healthy and strong despite being born in Harvestmere. Little Tamlen... he brightened our lives. So full of energy and so curious… I had to hide my blades far away from where he could even see them. And if I forgot to clean off after a bloody hunt… I’d never seen a boy of his size run faster.”

But it had not been enough. Nowhere near enough. “We were helping out a clan that had lost their halla near Kirkwall when the Chantry was destroyed. We saw the chaos within the city and we knew better than to stay. We traveled for a time with clan Sabre, their numbers depleted badly from their travel from Ferelden and then time spent so close to a human city, before we went our separate ways. We thought that if we separated and stuck to the forests, this human conflict would slip us by.”

“Then, four months before the Conclave, my clan was approached by several humans in robes. They looked haggard, tired, and although most clans do not welcome humans amongst them ours had always been one for trade and the sharing of knowledge. The Keeper greeted these humans, these mages, personally and invited them to share in our evening meal. I and another Hunter were sent out to gather more food for our guests. We were only gone maybe half the day.

“But when we got back… Creators, it was a massacre. So many dead. Aravaels aflame. Halla bleating in fear where the herdmother had kept them out of most of the fighting. Templars had come while we were away, apparently. And Ellana… Ellana had tried to calm things down and make them see reason. But the Templars wouldn’t hear it. They… they ran her through and left her for dead. Butchered any of the People who got in their way. And the mages in their fear turned to Blood Magic. Two of the mages cut themselves. Others used the blood of the fallen People. The Keeper and Hunters tried to cut down both sides as the mages became abominations. 

“The abominations tore through the Templars and nearly wiped out the clan. Ellana, as wounded as she was, tried to protect Tamlen with herself but they tore through her easily. Tamlen tried to run but… he… he wasn’t fast enough.”

Josephine tried to say something, likely to stop him from saying anything else but Theron stood abruptly before she could and wiped at the tears that kept rolling down his cheeks. His voice wavered as he continued. Every word felt thick but he couldn’t stop. Not yet. Not until someone other than him knew what happened. “The Dalish mourn our dead by returning their bodies to the earth, sing to ease their passing and plant a tree over their bodies so that, even in death new life may take root. I had thought that day I was planting two trees. The Keeper told me to plant three. Ellana had been with our second child when she died that day. I went to Conclave to see an end to this war if not by the Divine’s peace than through as many leaders of these massacres as I had to.”

Theron turned to see Josephine staring with wide eyes at him as he finished his tale, no doubt having not thought there was this much hiding behind his relatively stoic features (for an elf anyway). “Your people say it was Andraste who saved me from the Beyond. I believe it was Mythal, the goddess of justice, who would see me avenge my family through peace rather than death so has given me the means to seal the Beyond behind the Veil once more.”

“I… I had no idea.”

“You are the first outside the clan to know.”

“Then you honor me with this show of trust.”

“I trust you to use this information wisely. My clan and Clan Sabre have found and joined forces to keep their numbers from dipping too low. If what I have told you helps you to understand my people better, then use what you can to keep them safe. My bondmate and children are no longer with me. I would not see the last of my clan join them.”

“Of course. Thank you.”

Theron nodded and wiped at his cheeks again, trying to get rid of the last vestiges of his tears before stepping out into the Chantry again. Fortunately he had a hood he would wear when he stepped outside but inside the chantry proper it was considered rude for some reason. He said nothing as he passed by the few Sisters still mulling about though he didn’t dare bow his head to hide his features. He would not cower like that serving girl he met when he first awoke here no matter what they said and did to him for being a non-believer of their clearly trumped up beliefs. All that mattered was sealing the Breach and stopping this human war from claiming any more Dalish lives. It was Mythal chose him at the Temple. It just had to be. 

By the time Theron returned to where he slept for the night he felt exhausted and drained. For once, he thought, he could sleep without dreams. If only.

**Author's Note:**

> Since at the beginning of the game Lavellan doesn't know anything relating to the gods beyond the lore of his people and I've always pictured him being a fairly religious elf, him believing Mythal would see justice for the People done through giving him the means to close the rifts makes more sense than thinking it was Andraste or random happenstance. I don't know... might write it in with my other rogue!Lavellan stories. Sounds like the same guy.


End file.
